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cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:47 AM

The Infamous Glasgow Rangers
1. If the Glasgow Rangers ever win the Coronation Cup - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
2. If they ever beat their deadliest rivals 7-1 in a major domestic cup final - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
3. If they ever reach the European Cup Semi-Final 4 times - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
4. If they ever win every competition they enter in one season - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
5. If they ever reach the European Cup Final - - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
6. If they ever reach the European Cup Final with eleven home bred Scots - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
7. If they ever reach the European Cup Final twice - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
8. If they ever WIN the European Cup - they will be the 2nd Scottish club ever to do so.
9. Having won 9-in-a-row - it must be a great feeling to know that for the NINTH TIME IN A ROW - you are
And always will be
2nd

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:48 AM

A van driver used to amuse himself by scaring the **** out of every Glasgow Rangers fan he saw strutting down the road in his blue and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road. One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift. "Where are you going, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to say Mass at St Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road," came the reply.
"No problem," said the driver, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a Rangers fan on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the ****. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Rangers Supporter walking down the road there."
"That's okay," replied the priest, "I got the ****er with the door!!"

My favorit

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:50 AM

A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Rangers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Rangers fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Rangers fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Rangers fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Celtic fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Celtic fan?"
"Because my mum is a Celtic fan, and my dad is a Celtic fan, so I'm a Celtic fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Celtic fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "Then I'd be a Rangers fan."

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:52 AM

A Celtic fan, Rangers fan and a Falkirk fan are lost in the woods together and spot a farm . The three of them approach the farm and knock on the door. A man answers.
"Do you have a room for the night? ", asks the Falkirk fan.
"Yes, I do but one of you will have to sleep with the pigs".
"Fine I will sleep with pigs", replies the Celtic fan. At 2:00 o'clock in the morning the Celtic fan appears at the door, "It is too smelly down there", says the Celtic fan.
"Fine then I will sleep with the pigs ", says the Falkirk fan. At 3:00 o'clock in the morning the Falkirk fan says " It's too smelly down there".
"Fine then I will go sleep with the pigs" says the Rangers fan . At 4:00 o'clock in the morning the pig appears at the door and says:
"It's too smelly down there!!"

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:55 AM

A man goes to Glasgow airport and eventually goes into the departure lounge to wait for the call for his flight home. The place is a mess. All around him are overturned tables, smashed windows, upturned chairs, broken flight monitors and crowd control barriers littering the floor. "Christ, what happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.
"Oh," he replies. "Bloody hopeless it was, we had the Rangers squad in here this morning filming the new Nike ad!"

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:56 AM

A Tim, an hun, a hot blonde and a fat woman get on the tube. They go into a tunnel and the lights go out, and suddenly they all hear a loud slap. When the lights come on, the Hun has a big red handprint on his face.
The blonde thinks: "Oh, the Hun must have made a move for me, but fondled that fat woman by mistake and she slapped him."
The fat woman thinks: "Hmm, that Hun tried to put the moves on that blonde and got slapped. Good for her."
The Hun thinks: "Hey, that Tim must have gone for the blonde and she slapped me by mistake!"
The Tim thinks: "Boy, I hope we go through another tunnel, so I can smack that Hun ****er again".

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 12:58 AM

Alex McLeish and Michael Mols in the pub and there is a cat sitting on the table. One man comes in, picks the cat up and looks under it.. Another man comes in and does the same. McLeish annoyed says the next man to do that I'm going to ask them why. So the next man comes in picks the cat up and looks under it. McLiesh says "Why did you just do that?". The man replies "A man outside told me that there's a cat in here with two arseholes!"

superb

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:00 AM

Alex McLeish died and went to heaven. God showed him to his new dwelling and it was a rundown shack with with an old tattered Union Jack hanging over the front door. McLeish wasn't too happy with this at all. He looked off into the distance and saw a beautiful mansion with a massive Celtic Flag hanging over the doorway. McLeish thinks to himself, "Martin O'Neill must have died too" and so he says to God, "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but how come Martin gets that gorgeous mansion for a home and all I get is this rundown shack?" God replied, "That's not Martins home, that's mine!."

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:01 AM

A Celtic fan enters a pub, after a few drinks he turns to the guy next to him and says "Do you want to hear a Rangers joke?"
The guy turns to him and says "Listen mate before you tell the joke I should warn you, I’m 6ft 10 and a Rangers fan, that guy to your left is 6ft and a member of a flute band, and the guy there is 6ft 5 and a member of the orange order, Now do you still want to tell your joke?"
The Celtic fan replies, "No, not if I have to tell it 3 times."

**CelticBhoy** · Nov 7 2004, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cro lion

Alex McLeish and Michael Mols in the pub and there is a cat sitting on the table. One man comes in, picks the cat up and looks under it.. Another man comes in and does the same. McLeish annoyed says the next man to do that I'm going to ask them why. So the next man comes in picks the cat up and looks under it. McLiesh says "Why did you just do that?". The man replies "A man outside told me that there's a cat in here with two arseholes!"

superb

I agree, superb

**CelticBhoy** · Nov 7 2004, 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cro lion

Alex McLeish died and went to heaven. God showed him to his new dwelling and it was a rundown shack with with an old tattered Union Jack hanging over the front door. McLeish wasn't too happy with this at all. He looked off into the distance and saw a beautiful mansion with a massive Celtic Flag hanging over the doorway. McLeish thinks to himself, "Martin O'Neill must have died too" and so he says to God, "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but how come Martin gets that gorgeous mansion for a home and all I get is this rundown shack?" God replied, "That's not Martins home, that's mine!."

AND it will be true as well

**CelticBhoy** · Nov 7 2004, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cro lion

A Celtic fan enters a pub, after a few drinks he turns to the guy next to him and says "Do you want to hear a Rangers joke?"
The guy turns to him and says "Listen mate before you tell the joke I should warn you, I’m 6ft 10 and a Rangers fan, that guy to your left is 6ft and a member of a flute band, and the guy there is 6ft 5 and a member of the orange order, Now do you still want to tell your joke?"
The Celtic fan replies, "No, not if I have to tell it 3 times."

Everyone better than the last mate

How do you stop a Rangers fan from drowning?

Take your foot off his head

***Celticrugby*** · Nov 7 2004, 01:08 AM

hahaha, some of those are pretty funny.

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:09 AM

Following Rangers success in Scotland this season, they have decided to release videos, keyrings, replica shirts and even a new OXO-Cube as the attempt Europe. They have called this a "Laughing Stock".

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:11 AM

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Rangers Players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What do Rangers Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:12 AM

Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:13 AM

Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter, they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:13 AM

Q: What do you get when you cross a Hun with a pig?
A: I don't know, there are some things a pig just won't do.

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:14 AM

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Hun and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty pound note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

**CelticBhoy** · Nov 7 2004, 01:14 AM

Keep them coming

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:15 AM

Q: What does Rangers and a three pin plug have in common?
A: They're both absolutely useless in Europe.

Q: What's the difference between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.

Q: What is the difference between a Rangers Fan and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What do you call a Rangers fan who goes to University?
A: A janitor...

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:15 AM

Q: What's the difference between a Hun and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.

Q: What do you call a hun in Europe?
A: A tourist...

Q: What do you say to a Rangers supporter with a good looking Woman on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo!

cro lion · Nov 7 2004, 01:16 AM

Q: How can you tell E.T. is a hun?
A: Because he looks like one.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Rangers Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Hun Twice.

Q: How do you make Barry Fergusons eyes light up?
A: Shine a torch in his ears.

Q: What do you call a Hun in a three-bedroomed semi?
A: A burglar

Pat Murphy · Nov 7 2004, 01:22 AM

the thing is most of these aren't made to be aimed at Rangers and you can stick any old name in the spaces......i'd like to see if you have any strictly against Rangers ones

**CelticBhoy** · Nov 7 2004, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pat Murphy

the thing is most of these aren't made to be aimed at Rangers and you can stick any old name in the spaces......i'd like to see if you have any strictly against Rangers ones

I think you'll find that they all originally WERE aimed at Rangers regardless of their origin