Dean Ashton Interview

'It's almost as if I was never a footballer' Ashton taking time out to rediscover his love of game that once promised so much

Dean Ashton spent international weekend with his young family in their Norfolk idyll, kicking a football around with three-year-old son Ethan on the semi-circular lawn. There was no running, though, because Ashton no longer can.

He was three months short of his 23rd birthday when he was called into Steve McClaren’s first England squad for a friendly against Greece in August 2006. The day before his debut, a heavy tackle in training from team-mate Shaun Wright-Phillips shattered his left ankle and re-shaped his life.

In the changing room, pain, shock and fear took hold. Ashton cried uncontrollably because he knew the injury was severe. He played only 41 more games, including 45 minutes for England in Trinidad. He knew he was not the same player and his career was over at the age of 26. The same age Wayne Rooney will reach later this year; they used to talk about Ashton and Rooney as England’s next strike force.

In spite of the occasional punditry for Sky and a visit to his old club Norwich with family and friends, Ashton has pulled back from football because he had to. He needs to love the game again and for that to happen, the resentment over his fate has to subside.

‘I’m still bitter about the way football is for me personally, so I want to give myself plenty of time to feel comfortable with it again,’ he says with a refreshing candour.

‘It’s very difficult when you finish playing the game but all of the players you’ve been playing with carry on and players who are older than you are still playing.

‘I was in the same Under 21s team as James Milner, Darren Bent, Carlton Cole, Michael Dawson and Stewart Downing. They are all in the England squad now. That’s what is hard to watch because you feel you would have been there and involved in matches like the Wales game. That makes it very difficult to handle.

‘I don’t feel bitter towards England. I don’t sit in my room depressed when England are on. And I have no grudge towards Shaun Wright-Phillips. It’s just that I’m not comfortable yet with loving football. The worst thing I could do would be to rush back into football and really dislike it.

‘It’s pretty simple. I just wish I hadn’t broken my ankle. But I had a good 10 years in the game and the experience I had was fantastic. My best friends who were at the Crewe academy with me but who never quite made it soon remind me, “Hang on, we didn’t make it and we’ve got nine-to-five jobs. You’ve got to be grateful for what you had”.’

There may be no grudge towards Wright-Phillips but ask Ashton whether the Manchester City winger phoned him with a message of sympathy or apology when his retirement was finally confirmed in December 2009 and the answer is a simple ‘No’.

Ashton prefers to keep his feelings on the matter private but you feel that if the boot which ended a fellow professional’s career had been on a different foot — Ashton’s foot, perhaps — a phone call would have been the minimum support offered.

Ashton also prefers to keep details of his financial severance from the game private, but it is safe to say he does not have to find work until he is ready. A five-year contract West Ham gave him in the summer of 2008, just a few months before his ankle gave out for good, helped.

‘I was lucky enough that I managed to play in the Premier League for a few years and that makes me more secure than a lot of players who retired through injury before the money came into the game.

‘I haven’t even thought about managing, let alone coaching at the moment, although the coaching side is something I want to do when I feel I’m really ready to do it.

‘You can’t be retired from 26 for the rest of your life. You need things to stimulate your mind. Although I’ve got young kids at the moment, eventually they will go to school and I will need to test my mind and keep my brain going. I’m not particularly busy but it’s lovely just to be spending time with the family and doing things I want to do. It’s nice to have free time. There are not many people in the country who get to spend time with their kids like I am at the moment.

‘The phone didn’t particularly ring a lot when I retired. I had the odd text message but not many deep and meaningful conversations with people. However bad they feel for you, professional players almost want to block it out. They don’t want to think about what it must be like and to think that it might happen to them.’

You sense that the emotions at work, even within the articulate and intelligent Ashton, are complex and still a little raw. At least the pain has subsided from his left ankle and with it the heartache of fighting a daily battle which he knew deep down would be lost.

‘I was really glad to retire in the end because I had had enough of operations and recovery and waking up every morning not being able to walk to the fridge. It was a weight off my shoulders when I did finish because it was just so difficult being in so much pain.

‘Now I can do normal things. I can walk, cycle, row, although I can’t do anything that involves running. My ankle doesn’t hurt but because it doesn’t move any more, there’s no flexion. I use my knee and foot a lot to compensate.

‘If I really had to run, then I could, but I would have a terrible limp and I would look really stupid. I played in a charity basketball match and it was a case that the ball and everyone went up one end while I just stood at the other end until they all came rushing back.

‘I can kick the ball absolutely fine with both feet and I can mess around with the kids, which is really nice because before I finished I wouldn’t have been able to do that. And I can play golf and walk the whole course.

‘Obviously in later life I’m going to have trouble with my knees, my foot, my hip, arthritis in the different areas which take more strain than they probably should do, but I had no choice but to have the operation. It was the best chance I had to have a normal life of walking and playing with the kids.’

Ashton’s retirement was also a blessing of sorts for his wife Gemma, who shared the mental anguish but who could do nothing to ease her husband’s pain through the ordeal.

She said: ‘It is really hard because you want to be able to help your husband but there is very little you can do. He has coped with it amazingly well. I don’t know anyone who could have coped with it as well as he has. I never saw him get upset.

‘It’s been a different journey for him to the one the fans have seen. I think he has known himself for a lot longer than they did that he would have to retire. When it came to it, he had already dealt with that in his head. It’s definitely a change from when he was playing to have him around all the time, but really nice too, especially because our children are young.’

Being removed from the crowds and the adulation does have one advantage for Ashton. It takes you away from intrusion and insinuation like the whispering campaign during his Norwich days that said that he was gay.

He is not, but he wants to see football move into a position where it becomes a non-issue, so that others do not have to endure similar treatment.

‘When I first came to Norwich, I was 21 and on my own. Jason Shackell, Ryan Jarvis and Ian Henderson were really nice to me, showing me around the city, going to the cinema or bowling. Me and Shacks just went for a meal one night. The next minute it is, “Ashton and Shackell are lovers”. I always wonder who has got the time or the thoughts to do something like that on the internet. But you can’t stop it so why worry about it?

‘We’re in such a modern world now that things like that shouldn’t matter any more. I know that football’s meant to be a real man’s game, as they say, but it shouldn’t be anybody else’s business.’

There are no reminders of Ashton’s career on show in the living area of the family home, not his solitary England cap, nor his FA Cup runners-up medal from 2006, nor any photo of his peroxide blond hair atop a claret and blue West Ham shirt.

Even if there were, he would view them as third-party possessions, such is the detached perspective he now holds on life in the game.

‘Because I’ve gone from playing to not playing and not even being able to run, it’s almost like I never actually was a footballer, if that makes sense.

‘It’s really strange but that’s because at the moment the last thing I could do is play football. And I haven’t played for nearly three years now.’

When he does return to football, the likeable Ashton will be an asset, but that time has not yet arrived.

Dunno if anyone is interested or not.

[Foley87]

Good read

Massive shame really

The bit about SWP doesn't in the least surprise me

Originally Posted by Foley87

Good read

Massive shame really

The bit about SWP doesn't in the least surprise me

Really? I'm not trying to blame the lad, these things happen in football sadly, but imagine not phoning a team-mate after he retired and you had a part in that.

How much of a cvnt is he then?

[scottdc]

SWP not phoning him is ******* despicable, yeah it was a nothing challenge, but cmon have some respect.

[The Devil]

I hope he got a good pay out because the lack of respect his fellow pro's have shown him is terrible.

SWP should be ashamed of himself really.

[nffcsharp]

A shame he had to retire as he could of done something for England and had a decent career on the whole imo.

[random monkey]

Could of been an England great, such a massive shame.

[leeman]

yeah, he was fvcking quality. great feet and eye for goal. there was definitely some shearer in him.