Real Football by Real Men for Real Men who love Real Football

[mrgrumble]

Prosinecki having a sly fag; Socrates having a sly 2 or not to mention banging his missus before the match; Maradona & Cannigia snorting the old Peruvian dandruff and then having a tongue-fest on the pitch; Romario & Edmundo kicking the **** out of one another before Romario takes to the pitch to score a hat-trick; Asprilla trying to shoot guys because he’s probably up to his neck in drugs; Best banging supermodels on a Friday before playing a blinder on the Saturday, Puskas hobbling on with one good leg and tearing England a brand new backside; Valderama strolling about with a burst mattress on his nut and running the show without ever actually running; Baresi practically dismantling some poor guy with one of his tackles and not even getting a card; Branco running onto the park with his best ever beer-belly on the 90th minute to score the winner with a Toe-Blast-Special and then promptly going off; Garrincha making boys fall over with his bendy legs whilst ploughing different chicks all over the planet with his gargantuan banger; Gazza just being Gazza; Platini telling his team-mates to “just give the ball to me” during the pre-match team-talk; Schumacher slapping Battiston into a different fortnight with his best Ju-Jitsu and then moaning at the ref because the boy is too spasticated to get up and off the pitch in time; Cruijff almost breaking a full-back’s neck with one deft twist of those sexy hips; Maradona running through England like an out-of-date Afghan Tikka Masala after making Shilton look a touch foolish with an “alleged” hand-ball; Michael Laudrup WALKING through the Uruguayan defence and scoring, leaving the Uruguayans wondering why they didn’t do what they do so well and snap him like a cheese ‘n onion McCoys crisp; Davie Cooper near to murdering Jim Leighton with a free kick to then inform Leighton that he only just got a hand to the ball “on it’s way back out, son”; Zico turning an entire stadium including the watching TV audience with one move before giving the ball to Socrates to score because “The Doctor” was the only person who knew what the funk was actually happening; Van Basten dancing around Tony Adams like a ballerina on coke; Rijkaard gob-lobbing his very own brand of Soul-Glo over Rudy’s shiny new perm; the Cameroon defence taking turns to try and volley Cannigia cleanout of his boots. And then actually doing it; Roger Milla turning up looking like the old-man of a team-mate, and then basically running the show; Redondo making Henning Berg look like post-op Murphy from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest before setting up Raul to finish; Van Basten putting curve on the ball….with an overhead kick; Tardelli runnin’ away after scoring in the Final of 82... shouting his own name; Rivelino standing scratching his nut after the Zaire boy kicks his free-kick away and promptly gets booked; Clodoaldo skinning about 3 Italians without actually touching the ball; Dennis Law scoring with a cheeky back-heel for Man City against United but looking like he wants to burst into tears; Whiteside thinking he's scored a tidy wee goal before feeling like a failed erection when it gets stuck in the mud; Jairzinho's "Der Afro" haircut - football's equivalent of Jules from Pulp Fiction; Lineker grassing up Gazza to the bench because he's gonna start blubbing; Dave Narey looking a touch afraid after scoring a blinder… against Brazil; Jinky Johnston having to keep the ball and make boys look a bit stupid because the rest of the Celtic team are cream-crackered; Paul Ince calling himself "The Guv'nor" before goin' to the Camp Nou for a severe rectal-stretch from Stoitchkov and his mates; Letchkov stretching every muscle in his body at least an inch so he can wallop the ball with his chrome-dome to score at USA 94 - no joy to the “Jeermans”; Nelinho doing a Van Basten before Van Basten even did it and scoring coz he couldn’t be bothered crossing the bleeding ball; Haan hitting shots from somewhere outside the stadium.... and still scoring;
Escobar going out on the razz after the World Cup and then getting shot because he had a howler and lost a drug dealer a bucket-load at the bookies; the wee South Korean guy somehow managing to beat Big Handsome Maldini to a header and scoring, Zidane knowing he's already a legend so just sticking "Le Nut" on Materazzi; Gazza flicking it over Colin Hendry's not-insubstantial head and scoring a bit of a belter....; Maradona getting sent home for making the camera-man a touch afraid after scoring against Greece; David Seaman having his ponytail GHD'd from the half-way line against Zaragoza; Seaman having said GHD'd ponytail fluffed back up again thanks to Ronaldinho; Edmundo flicking it one way through Neville's legs with a back-heel before turning the other way and scoring - MARACANA!!!!; the Saudi Arabian boy running like Peter Crouch with a nosebleed but still scoring a blinder at the World Cup; George Weah dribbling out from his own penalty box...and scoring; Giggsy then doing a "George Weah"; Del Piero and Ravanelli lending Alex Clelland some money to get back into the stadium after "Wee Del" goes through him like a cheap San-Siro turnstile; Carlos Alberto running all the way from his front door to put the finishing blast on the best "team" goal ever; Souness stamping on the wee Gornik Zsabze guy's "Stuart McCall’s" and then asking the ref what the problem was; John Barnes forgetting he's not Brazilian and scoring a Brazilian goal against the Brazilians... in Brazil; Alex Ferguson asking what the problem is after Cantona volleys the ****e out of a Crystal Palace fan; Maxi Rodriguez almost making me choke on a bit of ice in my Bulmers by putting out the Mexicans with a left-foot chested volley; Roy Keane leaving Alfie Halland lying on the ground like a cheap tracksuit and not even waiting for the card; Totti chipping a penalty straight down the middle against the Dutch and thus making everybone in the stadium raging mad; Paul McGrath bossing the Italians about despite not being able to feel one of his arms and stinking of the good stuff; little Messi giving Roberto Carlos such a skinning that the Brazilian Kojak falls and breaks his hand; Ronaldinho doing a wee spot of samba line-dancing before toe-poking a blinder at Stamford Bridge; Roberto Carlos showing the French what "va-va-voom" means by hitting a banana-blooter past them from miles out and having Barthez pulling his shorts up. Again; Le Saux getting all buckled against the Romanians to let his little buddy pickpocket him for a goal; Baxter just sitting on the ball like it's a bar-stool and waiting for the World Champs to give him a pint.......



Now that's football!

[Dragonlord]

Did you write that yourself? Thats very good.

[Miha]

Can't be arsed reading this, no paragraphs no notin

[mrgrumble]

Originally Posted by mrgrumble

Prosinecki having a sly fag; Socrates having a sly 2 or not to mention banging his missus before the match; Maradona & Cannigia snorting the old Peruvian dandruff and then having a tongue-fest on the pitch; Romario & Edmundo kicking the **** out of one another before Romario takes to the pitch to score a hat-trick;

Asprilla trying to shoot guys because he’s probably up to his neck in drugs; Best banging supermodels on a Friday before playing a blinder on the Saturday, Puskas hobbling on with one good leg and tearing England a brand new backside; Valderama strolling about with a burst mattress on his nut and running the show without ever actually running; Baresi practically dismantling some poor guy with one of his tackles and not even getting a card; Branco running onto the park with his best ever beer-belly on the 90th minute to score the winner with a Toe-Blast-Special and then promptly going off; Garrincha making boys fall over with his bendy legs whilst ploughing different chicks all over the planet with his gargantuan banger; Gazza just being Gazza; Platini telling his team-mates to “just give the ball to me” during the pre-match team-talk; Schumacher slapping Battiston into a different fortnight with his best Ju-Jitsu and then moaning at the ref because the boy is too spasticated to get up and off the pitch in time;

Cruijff almost breaking a full-back’s neck with one deft twist of those sexy hips; Maradona running through England like an out-of-date Afghan Tikka Masala after making Shilton look a touch foolish with an “alleged” hand-ball; Michael Laudrup WALKING through the Uruguayan defence and scoring, leaving the Uruguayans wondering why they didn’t do what they do so well and snap him like a cheese ‘n onion McCoys crisp; Davie Cooper near to murdering Jim Leighton with a free kick to then inform Leighton that he only just got a hand to the ball “on it’s way back out, son”; Zico turning an entire stadium including the watching TV audience with one move before giving the ball to Socrates to score because “The Doctor” was the only person who knew what the funk was actually happening; Van Basten dancing around Tony Adams like a ballerina on coke; Rijkaard gob-lobbing his very own brand of Soul-Glo over Rudy’s shiny new perm; the Cameroon defence taking turns to try and volley Cannigia cleanout of his boots. And then actually doing it;

Roger Milla turning up looking like the old-man of a team-mate, and then basically running the show; Redondo making Henning Berg look like post-op Murphy from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest before setting up Raul to finish; Van Basten putting curve on the ball….with an overhead kick; Tardelli runnin’ away after scoring in the Final of 82... shouting his own name; Rivelino standing scratching his nut after the Zaire boy kicks his free-kick away and promptly gets booked; Clodoaldo skinning about 3 Italians without actually touching the ball; Dennis Law scoring with a cheeky back-heel for Man City against United but looking like he wants to burst into tears; Whiteside thinking he's scored a tidy wee goal before feeling like a failed erection when it gets stuck in the mud; Jairzinho's "Der Afro" haircut - football's equivalent of Jules from Pulp Fiction; Lineker grassing up Gazza to the bench because he's gonna start blubbing; Dave Narey looking a touch afraid after scoring a blinder… against Brazil; Jinky Johnston having to keep the ball and make boys look a bit stupid because the rest of the Celtic team are cream-crackered; Paul Ince calling himself "The Guv'nor" before goin' to the Camp Nou for a severe rectal-stretch from Stoitchkov and his mates; Letchkov stretching every muscle in his body at least an inch so he can wallop the ball with his chrome-dome to score at USA 94 - no joy to the “Jeermans”; Nelinho doing a Van Basten before Van Basten even did it and scoring coz he couldn’t be bothered crossing the bleeding ball; Haan hitting shots from somewhere outside the stadium.... and still scoring;

Escobar going out on the razz after the World Cup and then getting shot because he had a howler and lost a drug dealer a bucket-load at the bookies; the wee South Korean guy somehow managing to beat Big Handsome Maldini to a header and scoring, Zidane knowing he's already a legend so just sticking "Le Nut" on Materazzi; Gazza flicking it over Colin Hendry's not-insubstantial head and scoring a bit of a belter....; Maradona getting sent home for making the camera-man a touch afraid after scoring against Greece; David Seaman having his ponytail GHD'd from the half-way line against Zaragoza; Seaman having said GHD'd ponytail fluffed back up again thanks to Ronaldinho;

Edmundo flicking it one way through Neville's legs with a back-heel before turning the other way and scoring - MARACANA!!!!; the Saudi Arabian boy running like Peter Crouch with a nosebleed but still scoring a blinder at the World Cup; George Weah dribbling out from his own penalty box...and scoring; Giggsy then doing a "George Weah"; Del Piero and Ravanelli lending Alex Clelland some money to get back into the stadium after "Wee Del" goes through him like a cheap San-Siro turnstile; Carlos Alberto running all the way from his front door to put the finishing blast on the best "team" goal ever; Souness stamping on the wee Gornik Zsabze guy's "Stuart McCall’s" and then asking the ref what the problem was; John Barnes forgetting he's not Brazilian and scoring a Brazilian goal against the Brazilians... in Brazil; Alex Ferguson asking what the problem is after Cantona volleys the ****e out of a Crystal Palace fan; Maxi Rodriguez almost making me choke on a bit of ice in my Bulmers by putting out the Mexicans with a left-foot chested volley; Roy Keane leaving Alfie Halland lying on the ground like a cheap tracksuit and not even waiting for the card; Totti chipping a penalty straight down the middle against the Dutch and thus making everybone in the stadium raging mad; Paul McGrath bossing the Italians about despite not being able to feel one of his arms and stinking of the good stuff; little Messi giving Roberto Carlos such a skinning that the Brazilian Kojak falls and breaks his hand; Ronaldinho doing a wee spot of samba line-dancing before toe-poking a blinder at Stamford Bridge; Roberto Carlos showing the French what "va-va-voom" means by hitting a banana-blooter past them from miles out and having Barthez pulling his shorts up. Again; Le Saux getting all buckled against the Romanians to let his little buddy pickpocket him for a goal; Baxter just sitting on the ball like it's a bar-stool and waiting for the World Champs to give him a pint.......



Now that's football!

Edited for people who like paragraphs!!

[Hunter S.]

Quite frankly not impressed with this endless stream of "Jockisms". Yes we all remember these moments in football, but do we really need some illiterate jock **** to highlight them for us in his quite frankly embarrasing and unentertaining jock manner.

Would have done much better to have cut the "piece" down as it becomes extremely boring and tedious after a few "choice moments".

Stick to whatever it is you do normally, clearly its not writing.

[Scholesy18]

^You're an idiot, you clearly feel no love for the beautiful game if you can't appreciate how wonderfully this piece is written.

Don't listen to him at all mate, i really enjoyed reading it, did you write it yourself?

[mrgrumble]

I would love to take the credit for this but it was a friend of mine who wrote it.

I asked him if it was OK if I posted it because I thought some you guys would really have enjoyed reading it

I think its class!

[Hunter S.]

You would say that, what with you Jocks being tighter than a nuns ****.

[Hunter S.]

Bruce Springsteen! Says it all really.

[Miha]

WTF are you on about hunter??

It was a brilliant read, thanks for making paragraphs

[Hunter S.]

Well Miha if the difference between a good read and a bad read for you is paragraphs and spacing over actual content..............

[Miha]

Originally Posted by Hunter S.

Well Miha if the difference between a good read and a bad read for you is paragraphs and spacing over actual content..............

It was a good read and pointed out brilliant moments of football.
I just asked him to make paragraphs cause it was all thrown into one place.
I thought you'd have enough brains to understand that.
Sorry for thinking that, won't offend you like that again

[Hunter S.]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............... ...

[Miha]

Originally Posted by Hunter S.

You asked him to make paragraphs becuase you probably dont have a proper grasp of the f**king english language yet..........

That's it, you got me there

[mrgrumble]

What a ****er you are Hunter!!!

[Miha]

Might I add Zidane's penalty in the WC Final to this list

[mrgrumble]

Yep and Bergkamps goal against Argentina in 98

[Miha]

Originally Posted by mrgrumble

Yep and Bergkamps goal against Argentina in 98

I'd rather put his vs Newcastle
And also Cantona's reaction after he scored against Sunderland. Priceless
http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...y=eric+cantona

[TaconazoRedondo]

It was myself who wrote the above ode and had my good friend mrgrumble post it. The boy "Shunter"(ahem) is your typical "floating mars-bar in the swimming pool of life" - it's a sad fact of life that those with nothing to say tend to say it too loudly.
The Post was simply meant to hopefully invoke some fond memories and maybe raise a wry smile or 2 for folk. And any more pathetic mentions of "jockisms" from you Hunter - you southern ponce - and I'll make you drink GROWN-UP lager. W@nk.

[mrgrumble]

Welcome Mr TaconazoRedondo, feel free to have a look around

[Miha]

Originally Posted by Miha

I'd rather put his vs Newcastle
And also Cantona's reaction after he scored against Sunderland. Priceless
http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...y=eric+cantona

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRHxjattf5E This is the link, sorry

[Hunter S.]

Well well well. If it isn't the Jock **** that wrote this "masterpiece"........and what do exactly dop you mean Mr Grumble..."feel free to have a look around"....a look around where your drawers...........

[Miha]

A pint he gets banned under 2 weeks

[Hunter S.]

Del Amitri ya bass.......

[Miha]

Originally Posted by Hunter S.

Del Amitri ya bass.......

What's the band got to do with anything?